When Characters Attack!
by Green Gallant
Summary: Crack!fic. What happens when the characters we write decide to retaliate? Grab a riot shield and a barricade of pillows because your about to find out. First FullMetal Alchemist fic. Hints at Ed/Win and Mustang/Hawkeye. The guys are about to go to apes#it


_Author's Note: Hey this is Green Gallant with my first ever FulMetal Alchemist fic here on Fanfiction. And is also my first Crack!Fic if you cna call it that. Anyway I always use to wonder what would happen if the characters of any fandom were to band together and go up against those that write them out of character. Which brought me to write this fic. I planned an earlier version that featured Teen Titans characters along wtih other crossover characters who were tired to being written the way they were. Anyway I'm a little nervous about this becuase its going to make fun of slash so if I offend anyone get over it. Hope you guys like it. _

**When Characters Attack! **

The FMA gang sat in a bar late one night even 15 year old Edward Elric nevermind the whole underage drinking thing he's just here with the boys since he has nowhere else to be at the moment. Edward took a sip before setting the can down.

"Man I'm really getting sick of this." he muttered.

"I know I'm really getting tired of all the slash fics I'm being put in." Roy told him nonchalantly.

"Why do they do it? Havent they figure out by now that I like Winry?" asked FullMetal.

"And I'm suppose to be with Hawkeye, I thought it could be any clearer." said Roy.

Just then the door opened and Mayes Hughes came in looking disheveled.

"What happened to you?" asked Ed.

"Oh I just got back from having hot, steamy sex with Lust." he said.

"Eww. Arent you married?" he asked.

"I am, try telling them that." replied Hughes and sat down at the bar.

"Guiness on the rocks." he told the bartender.

"We really need to do something." said Ed.

Just then Alphonse walked in his brother looked up from the bar out of the corner of his eye.

"Where have you been?" he asked annoyed.

"Oh uh, I just got back from having sex with Winry." he said nerviously.

"WHAT?! YOUR A FREAKIN SUIT OF ARMOR! HOW COULD YOU BONE HER?!" Ed jumped on his brother's chest screaming in his face.

"It wasnt my fault it was the writer." he sweated. Ed tore off his head in frustration and threw it across the room and began stomping on his body.

"Hey brother cut it out! Ow!" yelled Al.

"Easy Ed we wont have anything left of him for next episode." Roy said calmly.

"You stay out of this!" he yelled as he thrashed his brother.

"I'm going to turn you into a trash compactor!" he threatened.

"I got an idea, why dont the next time someone writes us out of character we rebel?" said Hughes. Roy looked at him.

"That's not a bad idea. Hey Ed what do you say?" asked Roy.

"Sure, that's probably the best idea I've heard in a while." he said ripping Al's chestplate in half with his barehands.

"Your going to put me back together right?" said Al's head.

"Maybe." he said.

"Oh come on you cant leave me like this!" he yelled.

"Sure I can." said Ed.

"But brother!" he yelled back.

"Roy, Hughes do something!" he pleaded.

"Sorry Al your on your own." Roy said taking a drink of whiskey.

"Daa!" he said in disbelief.

"Hey listen you hear that?" Roy said sitting down his drink. The guys could hear typing.

"Yeah I hear it." said Hughes.

"Fullmetal why dont you come over here and join the fun." Roy told him.

"Sure." Ed said setting down the scraps of metal that was Al.

The guys headed over to a brick wall directly behind them where the typing seemed to be eminating.

"Here, right here." Roy said pointing his finger.

"Right, got ya. Thier in for a big suprise." Ed said clapping his hands and pressing them against the wall.

On the other side a girl was prepairing to write a Ed/Roy fic when the guys started to feel the affects taking over. A message popped up on her screen and she clicked on it. Ed's metal fist flew out the screen and knocked her out of her chair.

"I'm not gay!" he yelled and closed out the program.

"What was that about?" she asked.

The effects instantly went away because Ed crashed her computer using his skills.

"Ok, your turn." he told Roy.

Another dude was beginning to write one with Roy and Hughes when a stream of fire shot out of the screen nearly incinerating the author.

"I like girls!" he told him.

The guys were laughing on the other side of the wall with Roy and Hughes high fiving each other.

"That was awesome!" said Hughes

"We should have done this years ago." said Ed.

"Definatly, I'm suprised we hadnt thought of this sooner. Let's see what else is happening." said Roy as they watched through the wall.

They scanned a couple more computers, one of which featured an Ed/Win fic.

"Aww, that's cool I'm going to have to check that out later it looks good." he said.

"Hey there's me and Hawkeye, I guess they really pay attention after all." said Roy.

"And there's me with my wife. Excellent! Oh, oh God are you kidding me?! I cant even...with my own daughter?! Oh that's it I'm going in there! Cover me boys!" Hughes yelled and jumped through the portal.

On the other side Hughes could be heard tearing up the author's room and beating the living hell out of said author followed by a loud crash. Hughes then stepped back through the portal a second later.

"What happened in there?" Ed asked.

"Something that should never be covered on Fanfiction again." Hughes said in a darkly serious tone.

Roy whispered what it was in Ed's ear.

"Oh my God! That's gross! I should go in there and beat his ass myself!" yelled Ed.

"I think he's recieved enough punishment, I left one of my daggers in him." Hughes said while dusting off his hands.

"Oh look there's another slash fic." said Roy.

"I'm on it." Hughes said producing another dagger from his sleeve and tossed it in there.

The dagger flew out the screen and through the author's hair before imbedding itself in the wall behind her.

"Dont even think about it." he said.

"Well I guess we've done all we can for now." said Roy.

"Think I'll go home and check on my family and appreciate what I have." said Hughes.

"And I'll go ask Hawkeye out." said Roy.

"Think I'll go check out that fic with me and Winry from earlier." said Ed.

"All right let's close up this portal, hopefully we got our point across." said Roy.

"Oh believe me I'm sure we have." said Hughes.

Later that night a fowarding message went out across Fanfiction warning writers not to triffle with the FMA team. Because you never know..._When Characters Attack!_

"Guys...? Ed?...Is someone going to put me back together...? Please?" said Al. It was then Armstrong came into the bar.

"What ho? You have been torn to pieces by somebody? Then I shall put my back together with my mighty muscles of glory!" he said taking off his shirt.

"Nee-uh!" Al whimpered in fright.

Disclamer: No suits of armor named Al were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.

_Author's Note: Well what did you think of that? I tried writing FMA a few years ago when it was on CN but couldnt think of anything to write about that was original. So this is what I came up with. I hope I didnt offend anyone, this is all in good fun as is any Crackfic. So I hope you guys like it. let me knwo what you think. _

_Please review_

_Green Gallant_


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